They Want Me to WHAT his WHAT?!?
by Anyanka
Summary: **CH 2 UP**Ororo attempts to get in touch with technology, but stumbles upon the dark world of fanfiction instead. A bit stupid...
1. Default Chapter

They Want Me to What his What

We need an attempt at comedy.And here it is that I offer….and attempt.

I own nothing except for a few souls…and this story, of course.

PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!It'll make or break my day.

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**They Want Me to _What _his _What_?!?**

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"Now, if you need any help whatsoever, you just let me know."

"All right Beast, and thank you again."

"I'll just be down in the lab, but if you feel the slightest hesitation-"

Storm let out a laugh as she walked Beast to the door."Beast, really, it's all right.I think I can handle it, but thanks for your concern."

With Beast fully out of the room, Storm quickly shut the door and locked it.She didn't want to be interrupted.She had a new toy to play with.The orange Apple computer looked out of place in Storm's attic room, the modem looking absolutely ridiculous next to her wooden fertility goddess collection, but she didn't care. 

Earlier that morning, after she had finished swallowing her last bite of oatmeal, and pride, she had made the startling announcement: she was going to buy a computer that afternoon, and had all intentions of learning how to use it.

After she had wiped the last flecks of chewed up Frosted Flakes from her hair, thanks to Bobby's more than surprised response, she listened to what her teammates had to say.

"A computer?Sugah, are you sure what one of those things are?"

"You *laugh* on a *laugh*computer?Oh, just think of all the porn you'll have!"

"Bobby!"

"What?Women have urges too…or so I'm told."

"Listen, Ro, darlin, do you really need a computer?It's a bit odd."

"A bit odd? Stormy, you be wit' de devil's child or someting'."

"Which very well might explain her need for pornography."

"BOBBY!"

Ororo cleared her throat."Really it's not that big of a deal.I can afford one, and I do believe it's high time I bought one.The Goddess needs to get in touch with technology." 

And now here she was, with technology staring her strait in the face.With the push of a button, she black screen stumbled to life, as her harddrive began making all sorts of beeping noises.Ororo's smile grew larger as the screen came into focus.Step One was completed; she had managed to turn it on without blowing it up.

_Hmm, what should I do first?Beast did say that he hooked me up to the internet…I guess I'll do a little surfing…oh, look at me, already using the lingo!_

Clicking her internet ready icon, she found herself on the web._I guess I should create an email address first._Jubilee had told her that hotmail.com was a pretty decent email provider, so Storm first went there.

_Ok, let's see…Ororo@hotmail.com sounds fine._She typed that in as her new address and waited for approval.A small box popped up on the screen."We're sorry, but that name is currently in use.Please try again."

_I didn't know that there were that many Ororo's out there.Oh well, I'll just uses Ororo_munroe ._

"We're sorry, but that name is currently in use.Please try again."

"What?Someone took my name?"She clicked on the "More Options" box, and soon another dialog box popped up.

"Here are alternative choices to choose from:Ororo_munroe3902, Ororo_munroe3903, Ororo_munroe3904…"

"There are that many of me?What in the name of the Goddess?"

She entered and reentered names for the better part of half an hour, windrider, Ororo_the_windrider, goddess_Ororo, storm_goddess, Ororo_storm, but to he dismay, all were taken.She threw her hands up in frustration as thunder rumbled in the sky.This was ridiculous.Every plausible name that she could think of was taken, except for… "I guess I'm [ros_not_a_ho@hotmail.com][1]," she mumbled to herself as she regretfully signed on.

_Why do so many people have my name on their email addresses?Although I'm sure there are some Ororo Munroe's out there, I thought I was the only weather goddess._Just then, a faint voice in the back of Storm's mind called out to her.It was a memory she had of Jubilee, snapping her gum and talking with Kitty.

"So, yeah, I like, totally needed to know what was up with that Backstreet Boy going into rehab and junk, so I just went to atlavista.com and typed it in, and it turns out that he's in rehab because he's gay and junk or something!"

"Hmm…search engines. Maybe that'll give me a clue about why my name is so popular."

Ororo quickly typed in the new address and soon found herself there at no time._Here goes nothing.Her smooth fingers hurriedly picked out the letters from the keyboard that spelled her name.She guided her mouse and clicked enter, her breath catching in her throat as she waited for what was to come._

"We have found five hundred and seventy-nine matches so far-"

"WHAT THE HELL?"

The screen was full of her name, links to pictures of her, everything that Ororo had ever imagined that could be used to invade her private life was staring her in the face.She clicked on one of the links.

"By the Goddess, what is _fan fiction?" _

Her blinking screen revealed to her a fan fiction story, about none other than the weather witch.Ororo's blue eyes narrowed in rage as she read on.

"_Logan's sentence was cut short as Ororo's lips melded with his._She tasted like mint to him.Her large lips, full and pouty, began greedily devouring what she claimed as hers, what had been hers for the last few months.And Logan, being a gentleman in this certain area, was only too happy to oblige in her sudden surge of sexual desire.Her lips began working his, up and down, back and forth, in such earnest and fervent passion that Logan began feeling aroused almost immediately.Storm felt it too, and had a hard time suppressing a smile as she felt his "fleshiest limb" grow thick at her waist."

__"His 'fleshiest limb'?What the hell was the lame ass bitch thinking!Ohh, she's definitely a virgin."

Ororo continued to read, her eyes and her mouth penning wider with each line."THEY WANT ME TO _WHAT_ HIS **_WHAT_**??"

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"Hey, Bobby, hand me the remote."

"Hell no, Jubilee, I told you, we're not changing it 'til we finish watching Smackdown."

Jubilee frowned and sat down on the couch next to Bobby."Well, then at least give me some of your popcorn."The metal bowl was quickly passed as Jubilee reached down to grab a handful.The cool, blue light of the TV filled the room as both teens were engulfed by the Rock and his sexy dominion.

"Hey, Bobby, how do you think Storm's doing with her new computer?"

There was a muffled scram, reverberating from upstairs, the sound of broken glass and a flash of lightening.A blur of orange electronics flew past the window and landed with a dull thud on the grass.A mouse and tower soon followed, with thunder rumbling in the distance.

"Oh, Jubes, I'd say things are going fairly well."

A fiery printer fell from the sky, landing in a nearby tree and setting the brittle leaves on fire.

"As well as can be expected."

TBC when I have a little bit more time….have patience and REVIEW, PLEASE!!!!

   [1]: mailto:ros_not_a_ho@hotmail.com



	2. Default Chapter

They Want Me to What his What

Chapter III believe y'all can remember the disclaimer, but in summary,I OWN SHIT!!!!!!!! 

Storm came flying down the stairs.Literally.Her eyes had whited over and her hands were clenched in a motion of pent up anger and fury as her bare feet made contact with the smooth, wooden floors._Someone must die…_

"Hey, Storm, are like, you all right?We saw your computer's unfortunate end."

"Was the porn not pleasing?Cuz I could probably recommend a few good sites-"

"BOBBY, God, you freak.Is masturbating all you do when you're not watching wrestling?"

"Well, a man's gotta eat, too, Jubes."

"Ohh, you're disgusting."

"Silence," Storm's regal voice ordered as she walked past them towards the danger room.After taking a few more steps, she turned around to add one more thing before she left the room."If anyone interrupts me, I _will _kill them."Within a few seconds, she had disappeared from sight, leaving the room with an eerie silence, almost as if they were afraid that if they spoke they would incur the wrath of the goddess.

"Hmmph," Bobby finally muttered, as he stood up to stretch."she probably ended up at a lesbian site.Happens to the best of us when we first start out."

"Just stop talking."

It had been three hours since Ororo had dawned her work out clothes and had begun blasting image after image of the X-Men's mortal enemies.Up until now, she had thought they were her biggest enemies also, but now she had made a far deadlier one, and it was perhaps scariest of them all, because the ugly world of fanfiction had no face.The soft, mechanical whirring of the Danger Room doors sliding open caught Storm's attention as she momentarily halted her attack on the Sabertooth image. "I told you two, and now I believe I will kill you.""Easy there, darlin', it's me."Logan slid into the room with her and began helping her fight Sabertooth.With a few quick swipes from him, Sabertooth was on the floor, defeated."You've been in here fer quite some time now," he said, stepping over his corpse.Ororo took a deep breath.Out of all the people she had wanted to see today, Logan had not been one of them.Even as she looked at him now, her mind kept flashing back to what she had read in that story, about him and her..having…"Logan, I'm not in the mood to talk right now.Perhaps some other time, though.""And why aren't you in a mood to talk, eh?You couldn't have been too bad with your computer, although Bobby and Jubes did have some fantastic tale about it flying out of yer window." She sighed.How could she explain this…delicate situation to him."It wasn't my computer…it was what I found on it.Apparently, someone has been plagiarizing my image and writing stories about me…err, erotic stories that is, involving me and you, and pretty much everyone else in the X-Men.What's next, one about me and Rogue getting it on?What the hell is wrong with those people to write stuff like that?" Her voice had risen, and now she yelled at Logan, her anger coming out.______ Logan's eyebrows were so close to his hairline that they looked like bangs."Stories about you and **_me_**?Now that's something I'd love to see.Well, I'd actually like to see you and Rogue a little bit more-""And what the hell is it with men and lesbians?I don't go around fantasizing about you and Cyclops having sex."Logan took a step back, shoving his hands into his pockets, as if in deep though."Whoa there, missy, now that's just disgusting.Maybe with Gambit I wouldn't be so opposed-" "That's it, I'm going back to my room."As soon as she was safely out of the room, Logan burst out in silent laughter, a laughter that consumed him so much that he didn't even bother to worry about his half schlumped erection he had gotten from picturing Rogue and Storm.

The cool waning moon swayed low in the sky as Ororo Munroe lay in her bed, unable to sleep.She turned over onto her side, trying to put her mind at rest, but found that she couldn't. "Oh hell, it's not like anyone reads those, anyway."With that, she shut her eyes and forced sleep to come.

Two stories below her, a dark room was filled with the soft light of a computer monitor and the steady sound of fingers typing._It had been a long mission for the weather goddess, and a confusing week for her as well.Only the night before had Storm tasted of Logan's fleshiest limb, of the nectar that made him a man, but now she harbored great regrets.'Oh well,' the sex goddess thought to herself as she stepped into the locker room, 'maybe a nice cool shower will help me forget that wild man I tamed last night.'She made her way to the group showers, hoping that they would be empty so that she would have time to be alone with her thought.The sound of water running and the sight of steam crushed her hopes."Who's showering?"Ororo called out, stepping into the steam that readily engulfed her."Oh, it's just me, sugah.And I had kind of been hoping I could get you alone…if you understand what I mean," Rogue's sultry voice called out to her as she approached her from behind. _

__Logan sat back in his chair and smiled at the screen.This would be his best fanfiction yet.

THE END

Pertty pretty please review.I'll give you sexual favors in return! **:P**


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